More than a smile

I love being happy, most of my friends say I smile too much. Others always wonder what I’m hiding behind the smile; some deep seated secret that I wouldn’t want to ever get out. Sometimes when it comes up too many times, I tend to doubt if the joy is real. I’m getting over it though, because I’m getting to define it more clearly and finding a deeper grounding on the whole concept of joy.

So what really is joy? Is it a feeling or a mood? Should it sway with each change in emotion? Is it the smile on your face when you bump into a friend you’ve not seen in a while? Or is it that tingly feeling you get when you are in your lovers arms? Maybe the external bubbliness when any good thing happens! What does it really mean to have joy in your life? I think joy is an internal feeling of satisfaction and acceptance. That whatever is going on now, good or bad, with time will pass and a new season will come. Joy is an attitude that comes from the decision within to accept that not everyday has to be amazing for my life to be amazing, rather it’s a beautiful journey full of ups and downs. It’s deciding that you will hold on to the hope that the outcome will be good even when the current events don’t look like they can bear any good fruit.

As I said before, we have to accept that life is as it is and sometimes it doesn’t make sense, but that’s not our burden to carry. All we have to do is make do with what we have and expect that life will flip in our favour. Living like this lightens your load giving you time to focus on the important things. This way you start to see the problems fade away and solutions start to surface. Always remember, a clear mind makes the best decisions and joy is one of the most refreshing feelings there is.

Joy is consistent and cultivated internally. It comes when you make peace with who you are, why you are who and how you are. Starting from a point of satisfaction or contentment, where you are happy to be who you are and even if you are not where you want to be eventually, you lack nothing in the present. Then you have to choose to focus on the positive outcomes rather than the bad days. I’m definitely not suggesting that we should ignore the bad days, we should actually take time to process them then work on healing from whatever damaged they caused. All this while keeping our joy. We should work on letting things go and learning from the experiences because life is an adventure and you can’t stay back striking that tree that hit you, you just have to “forgive it” and carry on with your journey. You also need to let go of the need to control every situation and let things fall into place. This is often not easy because of the hurt one feels at the time of the occurrence but we have to learn to keep our heads above the waves. We have to be grateful for all that we have, the simple things usually are the ones we miss the most when they are gone. Something as simple as how the air feels or the sound of the highway are things we’ll never appreciate till we can’t leave the house anymore. Adding gratitude to our daily routines will spark a certain satisfaction in you that can’t be compared to anything.

There are things that we do naturally that usually steal our joy. We may do them subconsciously but the effects are very real to our conscious selves. The first of these is comparison and coveting. Every time you see something you feel bad for not having it and this triggers your mind to believe that until you get that thing, you can’t be happy and since we obviously can never have it all, you will never find happiness. Our need to control every outcome also comes in between us and joy. Just let life be and focus on what’s going on well rather than what’s not. You give your power to the things that you give space for in you. We should also embrace humility in our lives. I have come to see the truth in the saying that pride comes before a fall! Often when the fall comes, it takes away the joy you found in overvaluing yourself. This is not to say that you should undervalue yourself but rather understand that not all days will have you feeling like the queen and that’s alright. We should always remember that we do not need anything to be happy; this is especially hard for us who have been brought up in this consumer culture where happiness is sold to us in form of trips overseas, stacks of money and pretty ladies dancing all around us. Fight to resist this thief and break free from it’s bondage.

Joy has a really great effect in our lives, it gives you that lightness in your mood and hop in your step as you run your daily schedules. It’s that continuous hope that it will all be alright at the end of it all. There’s a lot of positive effects of joy for your physical, emotional and phycological well being. Your stress levels reduce while your self confidence shoots up, because now you believe you are worthy of whatever it is you set your mind to. This attitude also supports the bigger picture planning and allows you to build big dreams and not give up at every setback. You also get to live in the present more, discovering what makes you happier and what steals your joy. With all these benefits, we should be up in arms defending our joy from all it’s thieves. My three simple steps of this are; awareness, where you should be mindful about how you feel and what makes you feel that way, notice the thoughts that steal your joy. Next you have to stand up against whatever it is that is causing the pain. It may require you to figure out the source and deal with it and heal from the experience. Lastly, you will need to replace the hopeless thoughts with a hope filled attitude that brings a lightness to your existence.

Living a life of joy requires practice and dedication. First you have to decide to choose joy each time even when the going gets tough. I don’t mean that you pretend that whatever is happening is not but rather hold on to the hope for better days. You have to be vulnerable enough also to experience joy. It’s funny that it’s not easy for the mind to allow you to feel joy, to hold on to a positive attitude. The narrative always starts with “wow today is a good day, I made it to work on time and my presentation went great” next thing you know, the devil on your shoulder whispers in your ear “this day is about to go terribly wrong then, it’s too good to be true!” There and then you start to worry about what bad thing could happen; as Dr. Brene Brown puts it, we try to beat vulnerability to it. As if worrying about a tragedy that may or may not happen will have any effect on how the world chooses to go round. All I can say is, let go of the burden of how each day should turn out, rather do all that is in your power to make the good for you and all those that are around you and let the rest be. This way life will seem simpler and each time an obstacle comes up, you will know that it is not because of who you are, rather it was just meant to be!

Go on out now! With that broad smile on your face and confidence in your step, don’t let the world decide how your heart should feel, let your heart walk in joy because joy is much more than just that smile on your face. See you next time.

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Why have a journal?

I really love my old journals, they are like a gateway to my past self. The way I thought, acted and what I believed in are all stored there in beautiful pieces. One of the first things I noticed when going through my old journals is that over the years my mindset and personality have been continuously growing, never really changing. My hopes and dreams remain the same but with a bit more clarity with every flip of the year. Well that’s not even the most important part of keeping a journal. This is barely an example of what a treasure a journal can be. It produces big magic from within and helps one get away from the rush of life and take sometime to look into one’s mind, sorting out emotions and thinking more clearly.

A journal is a consistent collection or record of the thoughts and feelings surrounding your life. There’s a difference between a journal and a ordinary diary. The first comes from the contents of the two, a diary contains a record of events with a little touch of feeling that surround the happenings of a certain day or week. A journal on the other hand contains mostly thoughts and the feelings surrounding the thoughts. The second difference of the two is the mindfulness involved while writing; for a journal one should be absolutely conscious, ensuring to analyze the thoughts and feelings trying to find solutions to problems or discover yourself.

The practice of mindful journaling is very useful in our urban lives, it should feel like an escape from the daily rush and need to get things done; an allowance of peace and relaxation in our lives. For starters, it helps you clear your head. Writing down what you think and feel helps you separate these thoughts and find their causes, that way you don’t go around feeling like you have a bad life but rather you know why your mood was bad and work to fix the problem. It also helps organize the events in your mind allowing you to make important connections between thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Studies have shown that mindful journaling can actually buffer/reduce the effects of mental illness and also make sense of trauma and your reactions.

Did you know, when you write something down, your mind lets go of the thought and allows your logical part of the brain to deal with it. Journaling helps us free our minds from processing the jumbled up thoughts and feelings thus resulting in us getting better sleep and this interestingly improves our physical health. This will definitely improve your productivity. A clear mind makes it easier to make the right decisions since the mind has space to think of the right things. A clear mind thinks smart. It takes a step back to find the solution that will easily and quickly solve the problem rather than that which will just solve the problem. An analogy is used that refers to two lumberjacks who want to cut a tree using an axe. One decides that he will hit the tree as hard as he can with his axe, land as many hits per minute as he can, until the tree comes down. This solution does cut the tree in good time but the lumberjack is so tired he can’t do anymore work that day. The second lumberjack takes time to sharpen the axe and in record time, his tree is down leaving the lumberjack with enough time and energy to do anything else. This is true for us too, if we take some time to clear our minds, we are more likely to achieve our goals in the most sustainable ways.

A journal is a very important tool in the journey of self discovery. It is a healthy way to get through your emotions and it encourages healing; this is by allowing you to process the emotions brought up by a certain event and see clearly that it is not because you are less than enough that certain things happen to you. This also builds your confidence because you start to discover how dope you are and how sane the advice you give yourself is. You get to know parts of you that you may not have known existed. As you continue to make it a routine, you connect with yourself more making it easier to choose yourself over others every time. Journaling could also be a very helpful meditation tool. While I find the space of meditation in my mind to be very serene and beautiful, it might be hard for most logical thinkers to let their minds roam in the way meditation allows. Using your journal you can meditate upon your thoughts and feelings giving you the same effect as any other form of meditation. This kind of ‘me time’ is rare and very beneficial to the mind.

In many ways, journaling is like creating a gateway to your mind, a safe space where you allow logic to go ahead of feelings. It gives you a space to rant while getting solutions rather than dampen your spirit as gossip would. You notice that I do not advocate that anyone keeps their feelings bottled up inside, but there are more beneficial ways to deal with it rather than causing a scene. The best thing about journaling according to me is how much personalization can be done to it. As you continue to discover what makes you tick inside, you could always edit how you take your records. Another thing about it is that it is very freeing and it seems to expand your world and boost morale. It slows you down to think of your thoughts, emotions and goals and how best to deal with what life throws your way. It brings up some beautiful stillness that we require every now and then.

There are many ways to keep a journal, many ways to trigger the mind to self analyze and produce meaningful results. Starting with how often one should journal, to what to write in the journal and how to practice mindfulness when journaling, it might seem like rocket science. This however is not the case and with practice it all comes together very easily. Join me next time as I take you through the “how” on all matters journaling . It will be an in-depth look at how to start and be consistent in your journal keeping. I will also suggest a few prompt questions to help in the journey of self discovery as well as some to deal with negativity or failure and others on goal setting. Until then, spread the love, share this link and let this knowledge sip into your soul. See you then!

Who do you love?

Love is ; playing hard to get. This is a definition written on a tee I had growing up. I never put much thought into it, maybe I should have. I barely follow the quote in my love life and time and again it has led to the inevitable. This is not the kind of love I’m preaching about today though. Today I’m on a more selfish mission, I’m here to talk about self love. This kind of love fills you up from the inside out, always overflowing to those around you. There has been a lot of talk around this topic and a wide variety of opinions shared. Just like anything else handed to us, it has had it’s fair share of misinterpretation that sometimes leads us astray and we wonder how this life giving practice could have made life this tough, or made living this dull?

So what exactly is this self love? What does it mean to love yourself? Growing up, I don’t think I gave any attention to this, I’m not sure I even heard the phrase. More often, I was taught to share, to care for others, to finish my food because “why would you waste food yet there are kids in Turkana dying of hunger?” While all these are good to learn, I wouldn’t imagine a life without this virtues, I wish I was taught more than simply that the opposite of this was being selfish. Now, all grown up I know that self love means having high regard of my own wellbeing and happiness. It is taking care of my own needs and not sacrificing my own well being to please others. It is not settling for less than I deserve. None of this is in any way or form is selfish!

The journey to self love is both liberating and scary. It may feel lonely sometimes, but that’s only because you are the only one who truly understands what’s going on. Looking back from this other side, having the hindsight I have now, it is a really beautiful journey. While I travelled though, it seemed like unending uncertainty. Always wondering if all this turmoil would amount to anything; the days of facing my demons and accepting them, then to trying to change them to serve for my benefit rather than my downfall.

This journey that I have come to learn and love starts with acceptance. Accepting that your past is the past and how ever cringed your heart feels when you think of the things that loom back there, you give space to forgive yourself and whoever was a part of it that didn’t serve you. It is important to let go of the things that hurt you and believe that they served a purpose that you may never figure out. Only after you really forgive yourself will you be able to answer the next question. May I add at this point that forgiving yourself won’t be a like flipping a magic switch, then everything will be okay, it may take some time; be compassionate through the process. We often are too hard on ourselves so please keep reminding yourself that you deserve the forgiveness too.

Now ask yourself, if I truly and deeply loved myself, who would I be? What would I do? How would I behave? If I truly and deeply loved myself, how would my life look like!

Self love is like a jello bubble, somewhere you are secure from external harm. You will have to build up this barrier and make sure that the barrier in it self isn’t self-destructive. What I mean by this is, there are some rules to the game such that the love is pure and wholesome, so that it never turns selfish. Start from a point of gratitude. Believe that all you have now is all that you need at this time. Now believe that you can do more to get what you want and desire. Remember, we have to take responsibility for all that we are, our actions and reactions, our attitudes and thoughts. You must know that you are in control and you are the only one who truly has any power to steer your ship. We have to take time and go within – tap into your inner being – and connect. This is where you find out who you truly are and want to be, finding out your true sources of joy. Let it be known that there are no mistakes in this journey and you are allowed to switched up any time, because as your mindset shifts so does your lifestyle. Take care of yourself, mind your well-being and put yourself first more often than not. It may seem weird at first but don’t worry, just like any muscle, if you keep working on it, it becomes stronger, it becomes easier to choose you! Then all you’ll have to do is keep vibrating higher, seeking more and dedicating more time to your own power.

Always keep in mind that it all begins and ends with you! And if you continue feeding your bubble just right, you’ll start to see life shift and the days being a lot brighter, life will be full of colour. Your smile will come naturally and you feel more beautiful – handsome too, don’t feel shy. Others opinions will not matter as much and you’ll end up feeling more confident in yourself and your ideas. Your relationships and friendships will grow, or be outgrown because now, you’re living a different lifestyle and believing you deserve better, because you are giving a whole lot better. Your body will feel healthier and your spirit free! Each day, you’ll wake up more driven and motivated to be the best version of yourself and to try make the world a better place. And that right there, is living life in colour!

My mum is the most self loving person I know. She lives freely and happily each day even with all the responsibility bestowed upon her! She’s a lot I must say, serving as a school principal, a mum, a wife, a friend to many, a sibling … And far much more. She never forgets herself though, sneaking in time to listen to her body and know when to rest and recharge, when to push herself a little harder. She makes me happy when she notices a bad habit creeping in and works hard to get rid of it. That’s just beautiful! I strive each day to be more like her. The most important thing I have learnt from her is the fact that this is a journey and it takes time and effort. The ways to love your self change with time, sometimes with the situation. All you need to know is how you feel, then show yourself the love you need. She always emphasises that she’s doesn’t always have it under control, but she works her way around it, always!

I hope it has been a good read and you’ve learnt a thing or two. Don’t be shy to drop a comment down below, quote a line that moved you. Show some love with the like button and tell me whatever is on you mind. Always feel free to reach out, all details are on my contact page. If you need any help to go further through your self love journey I would propose the book by Kamal Ravikant, “Love yourself like your life depends on it” I really loved it and enjoyed reading it. He has such an interesting way of calling you to the journey, I’m sure you’ll enjoy!. Until next time spread that love ♥️

Tell me

This is the third and final category of my blog; Tell me. It will have two segments, Tell me why and Tell me how.

A few years into my self care journey, I have come to learn there are essential practices I need to infuse into my daily or weekly routines to better care for myself. Some require great dedication while others are very easy to get into the system. At times, especially when you need them most, it’s easy to remember to use these tools; to live in the bubble of care. It’s when times are good and life seems to be flowing easy, when the world seems to be working for you, that we often tend to coast and forget our practices.

This may have very dire effects on our lives because when tragedy strikes; we all know it always comes without warning, it hits hard. It finds us at a time that we have forgotten to take care of ourselves, sometimes forgotten the worth of the practice. We don’t know how and where to let out the pressure that seems to be continuously building up inside us and we crush. A crush that would easily be avoided had we held on to our self care habits. Good thing about having known the habits is there’s a chance for redemption. You could always, after the crush, pick yourself up and be strong again, relearning how to love and care for yourself all over again. That too is beautiful.

In this section I’ll be explaining why even bother picking up different self-care habits and infusing them into your routines. The first habit I ever took up for myself was journaling. I must say this idea was met with a lot of rebellion from my conscious self. In my younger days, I always thought of journaling as a very girlish and petty practice. From the cartoons I had watched over the years; where I learnt about any of this, a diary was a point of weakness. Always prone to be exposed and spark a frenzy of gossip and embarrassment. In school, the ones I went to at least, it was illegal and the secrets it held could very easily get you punished. With time though, I came to discover what a journal should be and how it helps in caring for oneself. I’ll admit, after the initial self discovery journey, I let go of it for a long time but I’m now back at it and life feels real good.

In addition to the why, I will not let you fumble with figuring out how to do these things. The second part will be on how we get to add these habits into our daily lives and how to fully benefit from them. I’ll share the research I do for each topic and share the best ways to get started and stay consistent with your self-care practices. I believe that self-care is far more than just a trend or a passing wave and I’m here to inform you and shift your mindset to see it as it is and how to apply it in your life.

I’m sure this will have a positive impact on you and those around you. What I love most about self care is the fact that it’s ripple effect is endless. It starts with you but never ends there because you see people and life differently, which makes you live a certain way and treat others nicely. I look forward to helping you create a beautiful space in your mind that you wouldn’t rather escape from, instead be a place you enjoy to get lost in as you discover more and more about yourself.

Join me here on Wednesdays to get your dose of the dos and don’ts of self care and why it is important.

The Line Between

Another day and yet another post from your beloved; today I’ll be introducing the second category of the blog, The Line Between!

In life we are always faced with some paradoxes, some two extremes that if we live by either independently, life will seem like a crushing chore, a continuously uphill task or downhill tumble depending on how you choose to look at it. Here I’ll be setting up scenarios to help us navigate that line between. Hopefully with time we can change perspective and look at it as a road between the desert and a luscious rainforest rather than as a high rope in the circus that only those with a certain level of skill, fitness and dedication can maneuver.

It is true that you will need some certain level of skill, fitness and dedication to maneuver, but even the very best start somewhere. No one wakes up one day knowing what the right choices are and how far to take on belief before hoping onto another. I adopted a mantra from a training I once was a part of that says “Strive for excellence not perfection” and for the most part I use it for my good. I say it to myself just before clicking on publish when I have spent hours tweaking the article and still feel like it not yet perfect. “This is perfect for today,” I say to myself, “Next week we shall strive to be better than today.” Sometimes though, I use it as an excuse to present some shoddy work. Like when I waited till the last minute to attempt my campus assignment. I still have a way to make it sound legit, I say ” at least I did my own work” or the all time classic “Even God knows I tried”

I’m working on it, trying to find a balance and look at it more objectively. To use it for my liberation rather than my own downfall. This is what we’ll be doing here every fortnight; I’ll be giving you guidelines and you will be building your own excellent balance. Hopefully to tame you and help you not be overly self righteous yet encourage you to get out of the trap of redundant humility! To push you to work as hard as you need to to achieve your dreams while still taking care of yourself; your wellness, to avoid burnout. To uphold your standards yet not be too standoffish to make friends or network. To make you an over achiever who still maintains her sanity! A lover who still looks at their relationship objectively.

And hey, I’m not promising the world because whether it’s a thin high rope or a dual carriage road, there’s always a chance you’ll end up off road. That’s not a reason to give up, we move on regardless and with this new lesson strive to eliminate these excuses and be better. I don’t always uphold my “no more drinking” policy after a horrible night out but at least the next time I make sure to drink more responsibly. According to me, that’s really what matters, the continuous progress and tweaking until you find what works best for you, your optimal environment. Often times when we end up off road it is because we forgot to put into consideration a certain circumstance, whether out of neglect or surprise; because life holds a lot of those. Either way, if you factor it in and set new boundaries to your balance, you discover you can do better and achieve more.

Feel welcome to this space and watch out for my notifications. I believe this will be a beautiful journey full of exciting discoveries and memorable lessons.

Heartfelt

My blog will be made of 3 different categories that I feel will be interesting ways to guide the conversations towards our goals, this is the first; Heartfelt!

Think of a garden, whether it is for farming or just beauty. Before anyone does anything on it, like plant the seasonal crop or beautiful flowers that will satisfy anyone that chooses to look in its direction, it has to be prepared. You will have to get rid of the weeds, maybe add some nutrients to the soil, protect it from predictors and so much more. All that before you even introduce the seed into the ground. Then there after, you will have to keep weeding, pruning, spraying, watering and ensuring that your garden stays clean and at optimal condition for your plants to stay healthy.

Now lets think of your mind and body, the same principle works. For you to be at full potential and strong enough to carry out your daily activities and more importantly to go out of your way to strive for more, you have to care for yourself. You have to weed out the bad thoughts and habits that don’t serve you, then replace these thoughts and habits with better ones, those that serve to improve you; help you to stay healthy.

I have a whole array of things that I do to keep my mind healthy. Sometimes it’s grabbing a book on a topic I need more light shed or sometimes it’s as crazy as playing my at the time favorite Metro album and dancing along to his genius beats. Just to put it out there I am not the best dancer but I’m working on it, more so, in such situations all I really need is a reason to smile. Sometimes I need to remind myself why I should be happy and sometimes I just need a reason to strive harder because life’s seeming too good yet I know there is more to it. Sometimes it is taking a silent walk as I try to clear my mind and in other cases I pop up at my loudest friends’ house to have a good laugh. What is most important is to know which of them I really need because it’s human nature to rush for the escape rather than support to make me feel better; avoiding the problem rather than confronting it.

Heartfelt will be my outlet to bring up conversations that I hold close to my heart, conversations I am sure your heart needs to hear. Telling you that you are never alone even when it doesn’t feel like there is anyone there and transforming your mind from a place you would rather escape to a place you find peace, love and acceptance. I will teach you how to be your own true friend because that’s the only way you can be that friend to others and sometimes you are the only one that really understands the situation. This here is an invitation to a world of possibilities and peace while you carry yourself through each day and through each situation. To help you discern your feelings and find solution to the root causes of every form of negativity that may be troubling you. Giving you confidence and support to own your days and dreams, to enjoy life not only on the good days but everyday!

So join me here every fortnight so we can share the journey to a healthy mind. That’s the only way you can really be your true self!

Living Life in Colour

Life is beautiful, life is fun, life is an adventure, life is made of progressive steps, it’s a continuous journey; that is, each day brings forth another, each day’s experience brings forth the knowledge we live by. Each day we grow; physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually. We make choices and decisions based on what we believe in and what we desire of our lives. I’m a lover of life, and the good life to be precise. For me the good life involves finding peace, love and joy within myself and in those I happen to be around, whether I choose to or the situation presents itself.

I decided to start this blog because I would like to share what I have learnt over the years and still continue to learn about living life in colour. These are conversations to call you to live life more intentionally, to be more present in the gifts the world presents now! It’s obvious that none of us will be here forever and worse still no one knows when or how it will all end. So why not allow yourself the freedom to live wildly pursue your dreams, be a better version of you each passing day. Not do any of this to make a show or impress anyone as the world today has accustomed us to dim necessary, but do it all for you; a somewhat selfish decision. Conversations to call us to vibrate higher, seek out more off life and give more to the world around us. This I believe is the whole reason we ended up here and at this time. To live an exciting life and focus on what really makes us happy rather than what the world is doing. Who knows, maybe you hold the secret to true happiness and we might never see it if you keep holding back.

I am all for the growth mindset. It all started for me a few years ago when I was feeling confused and wanting it to all make sense. I was a second year student in the university trying to find identity in a place that I barely felt noticed, yet felt overly judged. In my head, a constant battle each day feeling like I wasn’t enough or sometimes I wasn’t worthy of it all; because to me it seemed, everyone knew what they were doing, why they were doing it and where they were headed. On the other hand there was me, with a whole lot of ideas that I had no idea how to move forward with. Then slowly and steadily, I came to discover, everything would work out if only I got started and dedicated to what I wanted. It didn’t matter where I was at the time, all I needed was to know, or at least focus on trying to know where I wanted to go. So I made the decision, that each day I would do something, anything, to work towards figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. That turned out to be a greater adventure than I would ever have imagined and I often look back and laugh at the mistakes, soak in the lessons and reminisce the incredible time I continue to have. And no I didn’t figure it all out in the same year even if I started in January, actually quite frankly, I made the worst mistakes that year, but you know what, they all shaped me. Here I am about four years later, having not figured much out yet, but more determined than ever. I must admit, I am a lot happier than I was back then, a lot more at peace with how life is unfolding and in love with myself & my life a whole lot more. Yeah life is beautiful.

So what’s all this really about? I’m here just sharing ways to create a life worth living, a life full of wander and adventure. It is a call to be fiercely you and be fiercely in pursuit of your own definition of success. Conversations to help you to figure out who you are, what you are meant to be and why you want to be who you want to be. A reminder that life is a continuous journey and it’s beautiful, and it’s always been, even when we don’t see it. Through this journey we will both keep learning new ways to care for our hearts, souls and minds while we pursue our wildest dreams for we are a great generation that is mostly likely to change the world or at least our lives and those close to us if only we focus on the right things.

Hop on to this train and ride with me each week as the stories slowly unfold and build up, taking in anything you might find interesting and helpful. Here there will always be nourishment for your heart, soul & mind.