Who do you love?

Love is ; playing hard to get. This is a definition written on a tee I had growing up. I never put much thought into it, maybe I should have. I barely follow the quote in my love life and time and again it has led to the inevitable. This is not the kind of love I’m preaching about today though. Today I’m on a more selfish mission, I’m here to talk about self love. This kind of love fills you up from the inside out, always overflowing to those around you. There has been a lot of talk around this topic and a wide variety of opinions shared. Just like anything else handed to us, it has had it’s fair share of misinterpretation that sometimes leads us astray and we wonder how this life giving practice could have made life this tough, or made living this dull?

So what exactly is this self love? What does it mean to love yourself? Growing up, I don’t think I gave any attention to this, I’m not sure I even heard the phrase. More often, I was taught to share, to care for others, to finish my food because “why would you waste food yet there are kids in Turkana dying of hunger?” While all these are good to learn, I wouldn’t imagine a life without this virtues, I wish I was taught more than simply that the opposite of this was being selfish. Now, all grown up I know that self love means having high regard of my own wellbeing and happiness. It is taking care of my own needs and not sacrificing my own well being to please others. It is not settling for less than I deserve. None of this is in any way or form is selfish!

The journey to self love is both liberating and scary. It may feel lonely sometimes, but that’s only because you are the only one who truly understands what’s going on. Looking back from this other side, having the hindsight I have now, it is a really beautiful journey. While I travelled though, it seemed like unending uncertainty. Always wondering if all this turmoil would amount to anything; the days of facing my demons and accepting them, then to trying to change them to serve for my benefit rather than my downfall.

This journey that I have come to learn and love starts with acceptance. Accepting that your past is the past and how ever cringed your heart feels when you think of the things that loom back there, you give space to forgive yourself and whoever was a part of it that didn’t serve you. It is important to let go of the things that hurt you and believe that they served a purpose that you may never figure out. Only after you really forgive yourself will you be able to answer the next question. May I add at this point that forgiving yourself won’t be a like flipping a magic switch, then everything will be okay, it may take some time; be compassionate through the process. We often are too hard on ourselves so please keep reminding yourself that you deserve the forgiveness too.

Now ask yourself, if I truly and deeply loved myself, who would I be? What would I do? How would I behave? If I truly and deeply loved myself, how would my life look like!

Self love is like a jello bubble, somewhere you are secure from external harm. You will have to build up this barrier and make sure that the barrier in it self isn’t self-destructive. What I mean by this is, there are some rules to the game such that the love is pure and wholesome, so that it never turns selfish. Start from a point of gratitude. Believe that all you have now is all that you need at this time. Now believe that you can do more to get what you want and desire. Remember, we have to take responsibility for all that we are, our actions and reactions, our attitudes and thoughts. You must know that you are in control and you are the only one who truly has any power to steer your ship. We have to take time and go within – tap into your inner being – and connect. This is where you find out who you truly are and want to be, finding out your true sources of joy. Let it be known that there are no mistakes in this journey and you are allowed to switched up any time, because as your mindset shifts so does your lifestyle. Take care of yourself, mind your well-being and put yourself first more often than not. It may seem weird at first but don’t worry, just like any muscle, if you keep working on it, it becomes stronger, it becomes easier to choose you! Then all you’ll have to do is keep vibrating higher, seeking more and dedicating more time to your own power.

Always keep in mind that it all begins and ends with you! And if you continue feeding your bubble just right, you’ll start to see life shift and the days being a lot brighter, life will be full of colour. Your smile will come naturally and you feel more beautiful – handsome too, don’t feel shy. Others opinions will not matter as much and you’ll end up feeling more confident in yourself and your ideas. Your relationships and friendships will grow, or be outgrown because now, you’re living a different lifestyle and believing you deserve better, because you are giving a whole lot better. Your body will feel healthier and your spirit free! Each day, you’ll wake up more driven and motivated to be the best version of yourself and to try make the world a better place. And that right there, is living life in colour!

My mum is the most self loving person I know. She lives freely and happily each day even with all the responsibility bestowed upon her! She’s a lot I must say, serving as a school principal, a mum, a wife, a friend to many, a sibling … And far much more. She never forgets herself though, sneaking in time to listen to her body and know when to rest and recharge, when to push herself a little harder. She makes me happy when she notices a bad habit creeping in and works hard to get rid of it. That’s just beautiful! I strive each day to be more like her. The most important thing I have learnt from her is the fact that this is a journey and it takes time and effort. The ways to love your self change with time, sometimes with the situation. All you need to know is how you feel, then show yourself the love you need. She always emphasises that she’s doesn’t always have it under control, but she works her way around it, always!

I hope it has been a good read and you’ve learnt a thing or two. Don’t be shy to drop a comment down below, quote a line that moved you. Show some love with the like button and tell me whatever is on you mind. Always feel free to reach out, all details are on my contact page. If you need any help to go further through your self love journey I would propose the book by Kamal Ravikant, “Love yourself like your life depends on it” I really loved it and enjoyed reading it. He has such an interesting way of calling you to the journey, I’m sure you’ll enjoy!. Until next time spread that love ♥️

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